Chapter Five: Tim
Sorry I haven't posted in months, I've been occupied with the joyous amount of homework that comes with high school. Anyway, I found some time to write and wrote this chapter from my personal favorite character, Tim. He's the fun one. Enjoy!
Timothy Waterburg
August 14, 2015
“Well,
well, well, what have we here?” a masked doctor strode into the room, pulling
on a pair of hideous teal gloves. Seemingly indifferent to the obviously
not-normal condition of James, he uninterestedly flipped through the papers on
the clipboard at the foot of the stark white hospital bed. James lay unmoving
on his back. I wish I could describe him as looking peaceful in sleep, but in
truth he looked worried and restless, his brow frozen into a wrinkled
expression of pain.
I
looked back up at the doctor, who was cryptically tsk-ing at the clipboard. I decided I did not like this bored –
looking little man, what with the combination of his gross lack of concern and
his condescending attitude. His dull, monotonous voice and slab-of-granite face
reflected his personality. He was about as interesting as sitting alone in the
rain in the middle of a dull, gray city with no more to read than another
stupid vampire romance novel.
Thea
entered the room cautiously, like she was afraid of waking James. I knew she
was only doing this because she wanted to believe that he would wake up at the sound of a bell. The
doctor suddenly snapped to attention as she walked in, and began gravely
telling me about James’s spleen or something. I rolled my eyes and told him
that the state of his spleen was not concerning to me, that James’s condition
was purely magical. I glimpsed the look of confusion and disbelief on the
boring doctor’s face before turning to Thea’s concerned gaze.
“Is
there really something wrong with his spleen?” She looked nervously from James
to the doctor to me.
The
doctor began to respond, but I quickly interrupted him “Don’t worry about it he
can live without a spleen. What’d you bring for lunch?” I craftily and subtly
changed the subject. She didn’t even notice.
“He’s
going to lose his spleen?! What does that mean, surgery? How long will it
affect him? Will he have to stay here? Oh gosh,” she fired off questions with
increasing hysteria as I reached for the paper bag that evidently contained
lunch.
“No, he’s fine, this doctor is just stupid,” I calmly reassured her as I happily munched on the burrito she had brought me.
“No, he’s fine, this doctor is just stupid,” I calmly reassured her as I happily munched on the burrito she had brought me.
“Hey,
you can’t talk to me like that,” the doctor retorted, offended. I wondered why
he still thought he was helpful. I mean, I had already explained that James was
MAGICALLLY incapacitated, not MEDICALLY. Thea quickly apologized in my stead as
I leafed through my wallet to find money to pay her back for lunch. I yelled
“sorry” down the hall at the quickly departing doctor as an afterthought.
The
instant I knew he wasn’t within earshot, I wrapped Thea up in a big hug and
sang reassurances about being able to undo the spell. When I started getting
into the technical aspects of the spell, she did a bit of crafty
subject-changing herself and asked about my fiancé.
“OH
I couldn’t ask for a better fiancĂ©!” I gushed, ecstatic at the thought. This
was a good distraction for the both of us.
Thea
smiled, mirroring my joy. “Tell me.” She gave me a look that told me she
thought I was cute. I didn’t mind. I like being cute.
“He’s
so nice, and tall, and he smells fantastic,” I began. However, my phone rudely
interrupted me. “Ah, just a sec,” I told her as I went to answer it.
“Why
does your ringtone sound like that?”
“Doesn’t
yours?” I gave her a questioning look and let her listen to the sound of
sneezing (which is my ringtone in case you didn’t know) for a couple more
seconds before answering it.
“Hey
Tim, I was just wondering when you’d be home tonight?” The voice of an angel
emitted from the device. Speak of the devil! I giggled and said I didn’t know.
Daniel laughed and said okay, call him back when I found out. I had butterflies
and was blushing like a girl whose crush was calling, even though I was engaged
to Daniel.
“Is
that him?” Thea loudly whispered with eager eyes. I just grinned like a giddy
idiot in response.
Thea
quickly snatched the phone from my hand and introduced herself. I whispered my
disapproval in mock frustration as she looked straight into my eyes and
mischievously smiled at me. She laughed at something Daniel said and said that
“he sure is” and assuming that I am him, they are in agreement of something
that I am. I greatly disapproved of this whole talking-about-me-while-I-don’t-know-what-they’re-saying
thing.
I
raised my eyebrows at Thea as a warning, but she pointedly ignored me.
After
a few more minutes of these antics, Thea said her goodbye and returned my
phone. “I missed this kind of fun,” she sighed happily.
Silence
screamed at us as we both looked at James, who was pale and unnervingly still
on the hospital bed. Gentle tears began rolling down Thea’s cheeks. She hadn’t
cried since we had first brought James here about three days ago.
I quickly leaped up and hugged her
tightly. I was as panicked about James, if not more so, but I did my best to
keep my historically nonchalant attitude consistent. If James didn’t wake, or
worse, she would fall apart. I would have Daniel and she would have me, but a
piece of Thea would perish with James. The connection they had, like a brother
and a sister, but stronger; like friends of old, made them inseparable even
when they were apart. The prospect of seeing the other was enough to perpetuate
one’s existence, even for a century. We were a unit, we three, a family. Daniel
was a happy addition, but he was new; the ancient history the three of us had
bound us together; we were thick as thieves, you might say.
I loved them so dearly, I
couldn’t bear losing either of them again.
Beautiful chapter. No feed back, I like the POV- Ruth L
ReplyDeleteWonderful character descriptions with your vocabulary inclusions. Great adjectives and adverbs. Here are my grammar 'corrections'.
ReplyDeleteParagraph #2: 'what with' ?
P #3 replace 'like' with 'as if'
and 'not concerning' with 'not my concern'
P#5 - before he can live--- a period (not comma) after 'tell me' and eliminate 'for a couple more seconds' for less redundancy.
further down - scroll scroll scroll, add Right In Front Of Me when talking about them talking about you.
?period after fun, not comma?
and I was EQUALLY paniced (not as)
replace "the three of us had" with "we had" and add "was our bond"
I hope these comments were what you had in mind, as well as the regular kudos that accompany (or follow) this gripping tale. Thank you for sharing.
Love.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAnother howling success. I'm glad to see that you haven't changed your writing style too much, so that the thread binding the chapters together remains strong, even while each character's voice comes though in their respective POV's. I can hardly wait to find out what happens next. I'll message you with a few edits but all in all a great combination of revelation and mystery. Keep it up!
ReplyDelete